Addiction: Never Alone Blog

Before I left California, I still had drug diversion to deal with, and I was on probation. I didn’t tell them I was leaving the state. Apparently, the justice system frowns on that. Who would have thought? At the same time, I was actually trying to work a program. One of the first things I kept hearing in meetings was, “This is an honest program.” So, I thought, maybe I should try honesty for once. I told my public defender I had left the state.He told me I needed to come bac

Before I tell you what happened next, I want to talk about my first few days clean. I need to be very clear about something. This was the hardest time in my life to stay clean. Three days in, I went with Lisa and her daughter, who was about five at the time, to the meat market. All I wanted to do in that moment was use. I was so dope sick that in my mind the only thing that would make me feel better was getting loaded. Lisa asked me, “Do you want to come in with us?” I told h

Now let’s talk about recovery. It took me a long time to get to where I am today. I am beyond grateful that I stayed, even through the hardest parts, because without those moments, I would not be the person I am today. Over the years, from the time I was a teenager until now, I have watched so many people live with shame in their addiction. Then, when they try to get clean, the shame doesn’t go away. It just changes form. They hide their recovery because they are afraid peopl