Post 22 ~ Part 8 - The Life I Was Learning to Live

Now that you are starting to see how hard I was working to get custody of my kids, and that fight was still ongoing at this point, I want to show you something else.

I was also learning how to live.

Bill was part of a clean-and-sober motorcycle club, and we loved to ride. We spent so much time attending local meetings, riding out to other chapters, and traveling to out-of-town meetings. I remember one ride in particular, a couple of hours away, when Bill was asked to speak. Those were some of the moments where I started to feel something different.

Freedom.

Not the kind I thought I had before. Real freedom.

Let me take you back to the summer of 2014.

I had been approved to get my teeth redone, and this meant everything to me. My teeth had been worn down to the gum line, and it had taken a toll on my self-esteem for years. I remember feeling excited but also scared.

I had to have all of my teeth pulled.

And I knew pain medication would be involved.

That alone brought fear.

I talked to my sponsor about it, and I will never forget what she told me.

“The worst thing is an addict in pain. You need to take the medication, but you need someone to monitor it.”

So I did exactly that.

My first sponsor, who was also one of my closest friends at the time, came to stay with us for a week. She helped me through it, and I followed the plan.

That week was more than just healing physically. It was proof to myself that I could do hard things and still stay clean.

Up to this point, I already knew Bill was a good man.

But then he showed me something deeper.

After I got my teeth done, people kept telling me how beautiful I looked. And at first, it felt good. I took the compliments.

But one day, one of Bill’s club brothers said to me,“Roni, you are so beautiful. You light up a room with that smile.”

Before I could even respond, Bill stepped in.

“She has always been beautiful.”

I looked at him, and he said something I will never forget.

“I am so sick of everyone telling you that you are beautiful now. I have thought you were the most beautiful woman since the day I met you.”

In that moment, I knew something.

He didn’t just see how I looked.

He saw me.

All of me.

And that mattered more than anything.

Now, let’s go back to Hunter and Karl.

In the spring of 2016, CPS transferred custody of Hunter back to me. They asked me to wait until the summer so he would not have to switch schools in the middle of the year. They also let me know that CPS in Spokane would take over the case, with follow-up visits for the next six months to a year.

I remember that moment so clearly.

I was happy, but more than that, I felt something shift in my understanding.

For so long, when I was getting loaded, I told myself that CPS was the enemy. That they were just there to take my kids and hurt my family.

I was wrong.

They wanted to see me succeed.

They wanted to see my kids back with their mom.

And now, it was finally starting to happen.

The timing actually worked out in a way I did not expect.

Since Hunter would be coming in the summer, it also meant this would be Karl’s first trip to Washington. They would be able to fly together.

Our family was finally going to be in the same place.

Bill. Hunter. Matt. Karl.

All of us.

One of my closest friends from California was visiting at the time. She came up with her son, and we were having so much fun. She was even going to come with us to the Spring Opener, a club weekend that kicked off the riding season.

Life felt full.

I had so much to look forward to.

Hunter and Karl would be flying on Monday after the Spring Opener.

To say I was excited is an understatement.

But what I didn’t know…

Was there a surprise waiting for me?

And it was going to change everything.

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