Post 34 – I Have Seen What Grace Can Do

I was driving to work when a song came on the radio that resonated with me so deeply, I could feel it in my soul.

You know that feeling?

The kind that almost brings tears to your eyes because, for a moment, you remember the pain. You remember who you used to be. You remember that tiny bit of hope that once whispered:

Maybe, just maybe, I could have a different life.

The song was called “I Have Seen What Grace Can Do.”

And as I listened, I realized something.

I haven't just seen what grace can do.

I have lived what grace can do.

And I have watched it happen in the lives of others, too.

But let’s talk about me first.

I wasn't only an addict. I was also a survivor of multiple traumas and abuse.

Yeah, I know. That isn't exactly unique among addicts.

But it was my truth.

For me, every time I used, I was trying to imagine a life where those things hadn't happened to me.

I wasn't just chasing a high.

I was trying to deaden the pain.

I was trying to escape the memories.

I was trying not to feel.

Until one day, somewhere underneath all that pain, I had this thought:

Maybe, just maybe, I can have a different life.

And one day, I chose something different.

From that moment until today, I have seen what grace can do every single day.

First, I learned how not to put dope in my body.

Then, slowly, I learned to trust.

I learned to trust another human being enough to ask for help.

I learned to trust that God could carry me through things I didn't believe I was strong enough to face.

Then I began healing from my trauma.

Eventually, the woman who once didn't know how to heal herself began helping other women heal, too.

Tell me that isn't grace.

Grace can completely change the direction of the life you thought you were destined to live.

Grace can turn pain into purpose.

Grace can open your eyes and allow you to see your life differently.

Grace can help an addict get clean.

Grace can help a survivor of sexual abuse begin to heal and learn to love again.

Grace can help a survivor of domestic violence learn to trust again.

And grace can take the very things that almost destroyed us and use them to help someone else recover.

Have you ever wondered why one person finds recovery while another person keeps struggling to find their way?

I don't believe it is because one person is stronger.

I believe part of recovery is becoming willing to believe that something greater than ourselves can help us do what we have been unable to do alone.

For me, that is God.

Because one thing I know for certain is this:

I could not do this alone.

Grace has shown up in my life in so many different ways.

I felt it in early recovery when I sat in my car wanting desperately to get loaded but somehow couldn't open that car door.

I saw it when Kristina came into my life and showed me another way to live.

But one of the first times I truly understood what grace could do happened when I was finally able to forgive my ex-husband.

Let me tell you, I questioned it at first.

For a long time, I carried anger toward him. I blamed him for so much of what had happened in my life.

But recovery forced me to look deeper.

Forgiveness didn't mean pretending the things that happened were okay.

It didn't erase my pain.

It didn't change the past.

It meant I was finally willing to stop allowing the past to control my present.

And when I truly forgave him, something happened that I wasn't expecting.

I became free.

Free from the anger.

Free from the fear.

Free from the need to control what I couldn't change.

Free to love myself.

Free to regain my power.

And eventually...

Free enough to pray for him.

That was grace.

Grace didn't rewrite my past.

Grace changed what my past was allowed to do with my future.

Today, when I look at my life, I see a woman who once believed she had to get loaded just to survive her pain.

Now I know I can walk through that pain clean.

I can heal.

I can forgive.

I can love.

I can help another woman find her way.

And I can look back at the life I thought was destroyed and see that God was still writing my story.

So if you're reading this and wondering whether your life can really change...

If you're wondering whether you've gone too far...

If you're wondering whether there is still hope for you...

Maybe you don't have to believe everything can change today.

Maybe you just need enough hope to believe:

Maybe, just maybe, I can have a different life too.

Because I have seen what grace can do.

And I am living proof.

Now I want to hear from you.

What has grace done in your life?

Maybe grace helped you get clean.

Maybe it helped you forgive someone you never thought you could forgive.

Maybe it carried you through something you thought would destroy you.

Maybe it gave you another chance when you didn't think you deserved one.

Or maybe, right now, grace is simply giving you enough hope to make it through today.

Whatever grace looks like in your life, share it.

Because someone else may need to hear your story to believe that maybe, just maybe, a different life is possible for them too.

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