Post #8 ~Part 2 - When I told myself, “It’s not my drug of choice”

Six years later, I met someone who would change the direction of my life.

When we first started dating, it felt like the healthiest relationship I had ever been in. We laughed constantly. We were best friends. It felt easy.

I thought I had finally chosen differently.

I was wrong.

About six months in, things began to shift. Not all at once. Slowly. Subtly.

One night, he went out with the guys. I met up with him later at The Trap, a bar we often went to. The second I walked in, I knew. I could see it in his eyes. I could feel it in the way he was moving.

He was loaded.

When I asked him, he finally admitted he was on coke.

And I remember the exact thought that crossed my mind:

If he’s doing it, then I am too. What’s the harm? It’s not even my drug of choice.

There it was again. The lie.

I told myself it was different. I told myself I had control. I told myself I wasn’t going back to meth.

But addiction doesn’t care what your “drug of choice” is. It just cares that the door is open.

Not long after that night, I was back on meth.

At first, it was “just weekends.” Just when we were out with friends. Just socially.

Then it wasn’t.

His dad pulled me aside one day and said, “Roni, you were doing so well. You weren’t using. You’re better than this.”

I told him he was right.

I told him I would stop soon.

Sound familiar?

I didn’t fall all at once.

I drifted.

And the scariest part is this:

I knew better.

And this time, I wasn’t just risking myself.

Next Post