Post 31 – Recovery Is Built in the Ordinary

People ask me how I have stayed clean for over thirteen years. They expect there to be some secret. The truth is, there isn't one.

Recovery is built one ordinary decision at a time.

Many people think recovery is made up of huge, life-changing moments. While there are certainly moments that change everything, the truth is that recovery isn't sustained by those moments. It's built in the hundreds of ordinary decisions that no one else ever sees.

There is one decision you must make every single day:

Don't put dope in your body.

That one decision is the foundation of every other decision you'll make in recovery.

When I first came into the rooms of my 12-step program, the suggestion was to attend 90 meetings in 90 days. I chose to do 180 meetings in 90 days.

I knew one meeting a day wasn't enough for me. If I had spent years waking up every day and using multiple times a day, then I needed to give myself even more recovery than I had given to my addiction.

Very early on, I learned another lesson that changed my life.

I needed to put as much energy into my recovery as I had put into getting loaded.

If I was willing to walk miles to find dope, then I needed to be just as willing to walk a few miles or drive across town for a meeting.

If I was willing to sacrifice everything for my addiction, then I needed to become willing to sacrifice my comfort for my recovery.

When I truly accepted that addiction was a life-or-death disease for me, everything changed.

I realized I may have had another relapse left in me, but I wasn't convinced I had another recovery.

That thought has guided my recovery ever since.

Choosing to let my sponsor into my life saved my life.

Choosing to become vulnerable saved my life.

Choosing to be honest saved my life.

Choosing to keep showing up saved my life.

Choosing to discover who God wanted me to become saved my life.

Today, I get to be the sponsor who shows up for the newcomer.

I get to freely give away what was so freely given to me.

Ironically, helping someone else stay clean helps me stay clean.

Now, let me be honest.

My recovery hasn't been perfect.

There was a period of several years when I stopped going to meetings. I allowed myself to get hurt by people in the program, and I held onto that resentment.

Looking back, I realize something important.

My 12-step program didn't hurt me.

Some of the people in it hurt my feelings.

There's a difference.

I allowed my resentment toward people to keep me away from the very program that had saved my life.

By the grace of God, I stayed clean during that time.

Would I recommend it?

Absolutely not.

The beautiful thing about recovery is that the principles don't stop working just because you stop walking through the meeting doors.

The steps continue to guide us if we're willing to live them.

Eventually, I found my way back.

When I returned, I realized my absence hadn't hurt the people who had hurt my feelings.

It had hurt me.

And it had hurt the newcomer who may have needed to hear exactly what I had to share.

Today, I no longer hold my 12-step program accountable for the actions of a few people.

Instead, I show up because the program saved my life.

I show up because someone once showed up for me.

I show up because there is always someone walking through those doors for the very first time, terrified and desperate, just like I once was.

Today, I have the privilege of sharing my experience, strength, and hope with them.

I also get to share it with all of you through this blog.

When I look back over the last thirteen years, I don't see one giant decision that kept me clean.

I see thousands of little ones.

Every single small decision mattered.

The greatest decision I ever made was choosing to believe in a Higher Power that I call God.

I remember having only three days clean.

I wanted to use more than anything.

I knew exactly where I could get dope.

I wanted to open that car door and leave.

Before I opened it, I prayed.

"God, don't let me open this door."

With every ounce of strength I had, I tried to open it.

I couldn't.

That was the first time I started to believe God might be protecting me from myself.

That was the moment I began to think maybe there really was something to this program and these steps.

From that day forward, prayer became part of my recovery.

At first, I only prayed during the hard times.

I prayed when I was scared.

I prayed when I was anxious.

I prayed when I wanted to run.

For years, I struggled with anxiety. I prayed again and again for God to remove it from my life.

And little by little, He did.

Today, I don't just pray when life falls apart.

I pray during the good days.

The difficult days.

And all the ordinary days in between.

One day I told my sponsor, "My prayers aren't working."

She smiled at me and said something I'll never forget.

"When you pray, you still have to do the work."

She was right.

Prayer isn't a substitute for action.

It's the strength to take action.

For instance, if I want a management position, I still need to complete my education.

I still have to gain experience.

I still have to remain teachable.

Today, I am working toward my bachelor’s degree in business management. Today, I have over 8 years of experience in the financial industry because I chose to keep learning rather than believe I already knew enough.

Recovery taught me that growth never stops.

Neither does faith.

Today, I choose to live my truth by sharing my life with all of you.

Because if my story helps just one person believe that a different life is possible, then every ordinary decision I made was worth it.

Recovery isn't built in the extraordinary.

It's built in the ordinary.

One decision.

One prayer.

One meeting.

One honest conversation.

One act of service.

One day at a time.

And before you know it, those ordinary choices become an extraordinary life.