Post #6 ~The Relapse That Nearly Cost Me Everything

This post is going to be a little different.

I’m sharing this part of my story in several pieces because it cannot be told in one sitting. The relapse that nearly destroyed my life did not happen overnight. It unfolded slowly, through a series of relationships, choices, justifications, and lies I told myself along the way.

For a long time, I didn’t understand the connection between the men I chose and the drugs I used. I thought they were separate issues. They weren’t.

It took me years to recognize a painful pattern. I consistently chose unhealthy relationships. My dad used to joke that my “picker outer” was broken. At the time, I laughed it off. Looking back, I realize he wasn’t wrong.

What I didn’t understand then was this: I wasn’t just addicted to drugs. I was addicted to chaos, validation, intensity, and the feeling of not being alone. And every time I attached myself to someone who was still using, it made it easier to justify putting dope back into my own body.

This series is about how that happened.How slowly it crept back in.How I nearly lost everything.And how, eventually, I found my way out.

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