Post #2 ~A Door I Didn’t Know I Opened

Let’s talk about where it all began for me. This day is etched in my memory more clearly than almost any other. Remember when I said one single choice can change the direction of your entire life? This was mine.

I was deep in my rebellious phase. My friend and I went on a double date with two best friends. The date didn’t matter, but what happened afterward would shape the rest of my life.

Not long after the date, the guy my friend had been with called in a panic.“Something must have fallen out of my pocket at your house,” he said. “Can you see if you can find my bag of dope?”

She said she’d look and call him back. When she walked into her room, it was lying right there on her bed. She looked at me and said, “We can call them and tell them we found it… or we could try some. I’ve done it before. It’s up to you.”

I had a lot of questions, but curiosity was louder than fear. I wish I could tell you I hesitated longer. I wish I could say I thought about my future. But in that moment, I only thought about not wanting to miss out.

So we tried it.

“I don’t feel anything,” I said at first.“Just wait,” she told me.

Then it hit me.

It felt like confidence, energy, belonging, like I had just found the missing piece of myself. In that moment, I didn’t know it yet, but I had just met my first love… and it wasn’t a boy. It was crystal meth. What I didn’t know was that it would slowly take every piece of me in return.

That moment was the beginning of a long road filled with chaos, consequences, and pain I couldn’t yet imagine.

I didn’t know it at the time, but that one decision would change the course of my life forever. I wouldn’t say I’m glad I made it, but I am deeply grateful for the journey it set me on, because it led me to where I am now. I can’t point to one exact moment or thought that brought me into recovery. For me, it was a series of moments — quiet realizations, painful consequences, and small sparks of hope that slowly added up.

And I will say this loud and proud: Narcotics Anonymous saved my life. I know we will talk more about N.A. and what it truly means to me later on, but for now, just know it became a place I never expected to walk into, and could not imagine living without.

I already know what you might be thinking: “There is no way I’m going somewhere to talk about drugs every day with people I don’t know!” Trust me, I said the exact same thing. I had every excuse not to go.

This is my twin sister and I right before I made that choice. (I am in the pink dress and Cyndi is in the blue dress)

This is me with 30 days clean in Coeur D' Alene, Idaho

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