Post 27 ~ Part 12: What Recovery Gave Back

By now you know I have 13 years clean. You know I married an incredible man, regained custody of Hunter, and gained bonus kids that I proudly call mine. But I have not told you the lengths I had to go through for Karl.

After our wedding, we decided to get an attorney in California in hopes that we could get custody since his dad moved him to Georgia without the court's knowledge.

Now let me tell you how much patience you need when going through this process. It takes some time to get a court date.

During that time, I was able to speak to Karl on the tablet I bought him, and after about 8 weeks of talking to him on my court-ordered dates, I soon found out from Karl that his dad did not move with him.

He sent our son to live with his parents. He moved to Arkansas with his girlfriend and her family.

Now I will say they are wonderful grandparents to Karl. They love him unconditionally.

What I found out later was that they were really the ones raising Karl prior to moving to Georgia.

The next day, I reported this to my attorney. He filed the paperwork.

Abruptly, my calls with Karl were stopped.

Every time I would call him, no one would answer.

I was devastated.

I thought I would never see my son again.

But I couldn't allow this to take away my recovery.

I needed to stay present for Matt and Hunter.

My husband reminded me that our child had the same God we do. So showing up every day, remaining in faith, and praying for God's will looked like this:

Dear God,

Please help me stay in faith and know that Karl will be okay. Please let his father show up in court, and please let Your will become my will if it is meant for me to regain custody of Karl.

Amen.

I said this prayer every day.

Thankfully, my God and Higher Power has a sense of humor when it comes to my will and His will coming together.

Finally, we got a court date and a response from my ex-husband.

He showed up in court.

I had my attorney, my husband, and my family there to support me.

I will say that God's will and mine did not fully align that day. I did get more visitation time, and both his dad and I had to share the cost of travel.

The judge looked at my ex-husband and said,

"If I receive one more report that you are violating this court order by interfering with visitation or taking away phone calls, she will get custody."

About a year later, my calls got taken away again.

This time I represented myself.

The judge gave him another chance and said the same thing.

"One more time."

Later, I realized I was so nervous in that courtroom that I didn't bring up the fact that he had already been given that warning during the previous hearing.

Now I know what you are thinking...

It has been years of fighting for your son. How did you not give up?

It is because I had faith, and when I lost a little faith, I had my husband remind me to have faith.

Then it seemed like something was changing.

The summer of 2022.

Karl came out for his normal summer visit.

Something seemed off.

One thing I never did was push Karl to want to live with me. I always waited patiently over the years for him to come to me.

That summer he finally asked,

"Mom, when can I live with you?"

I told him we would need to talk to his dad about that.

He was not ready to.

The one thing I will say about his dad is that he absolutely loved Karl, and Karl loved him so much that he wasn't ready to ask because he was afraid of hurting his dad.

Usually, his dad would have a plane ticket home well before August.

I tried to reach his dad by phone, but he never responded.

Finally, three days before Karl's freshman year of school was going to start, Karl's grandma called me and said she was going to fly out and get Karl and then fly him to his dad's.

Something in my gut, maybe mother's intuition, told me there was something going on with his dad.

But I had to wait until Karl was ready to tell me.

Instead, we talked all the time.

He told me he had no food.

I immediately went to order him food, hoping I could get Walmart to deliver to the house. Apparently, the only place I could get it delivered from was Amazon.

I ordered him as much canned food and cereal as I could.

Finally, in October, he called me and said,

"Mom, I think my dad is a druggie."

The one thing I didn't do was talk badly about his dad or say, "Let me tell you all about your dad."

At this point, he never even knew about the domestic violence from years ago, or so I thought.

But what I did do was ask questions.

"What makes you say that?"

He said,

"Mom, let me send you a picture of something I found in the garage."

As I opened my text message, I saw it...

A meth pipe.

In that moment, I was devastated for my son, but I was even more devastated for his dad.

I knew how hard it was going to be for him to get clean.

Karl needed both his dad and his mom. But he had spent most of his life with his dad, and I knew this was going to be one of the most heartbreaking experiences he would ever face.

Karl then said,

"Mom, every month we either have the water or the power turned off because my dad can't pay the bills."

Of course, I let him tell me everything.

Emotionally, he shared that he had been drinking and smoking weed because it had been hard to go through all of this.

"I have had to stay at friends' houses just to take a shower."

I told Karl,

"This is not a way you should be living. What do you want to do?"

He said,

"Mom, can I come live with you?"

I responded with urgency,

"Absolutely. I will start the process."

He said,

"I just don't want Dad to get in trouble."

I said,

"He won't. I will go through family court and apply for emergency custody. Just know that when you come to live with us, there will be no drinking or smoking."

He said,

"I know, Mom!"

What I thought would be a quick process with emergency custody ended up taking so much time.

I called the courthouse, and they said,

"The only way to do this is to get an attorney."

I was shocked.

I had always lived in states where you could access documents online, but apparently not in Arkansas.

I got an attorney, and she was truly amazing.

My sister Cyndi helped me with the retainer. I paid her back two weeks later.

We filed in November.

Apparently, in Arkansas, everything takes longer.

We had to wait months to get emergency custody.

In the meantime, Karl was facing increasingly difficult circumstances.

His dad was becoming very volatile.

He was using.

The power and the water were turned off.

Karl's only way to cope was by using mind-altering substances.

I was talking to Karl every day, sending food and money constantly.

Finally, in February, the judge granted us temporary custody.

My attorney was incredible.

She personally made sure Karl and his dad knew what was happening. She helped Karl get packed, drove him two hours to the airport, and only charged me for gas.

The final hearing was scheduled for April.

Bill, Karl, and I flew into Memphis, rented a car, and drove two hours to Cherokee Village, Arkansas.

The next morning, as we were driving to court, Karl's dad texted me.

"You're going to have to tell the court I'm too sick to come. We'll need to reschedule."

I replied,

"I don't think that's how court works, but I'll let my attorney know."

When we arrived, the judge called me to the stand and asked me to explain what had been happening.

Before I testified, I asked if Bill could take Karl out of the courtroom. He didn't need to hear everything that was about to be said.

Everyone agreed.

I told the truth.

All of it.

Including my own addiction and recovery.

When the hearing was over, the judge awarded me full custody and no visitation.

The part that broke my heart wasn't the court case.

It was Karl's reaction.

He looked at me and said,

"He didn't even show up to fight for me."

I pulled him close and said,

"I know. But we did. And we always will."

After court, we went to Graceland.

We ate amazing Memphis BBQ and enjoyed a seafood boil that was absolutely worth celebrating.

As I looked at my son, I finally understood something.

God's timing was never my timing.

For years, I wanted immediate answers.

I wanted custody.

I wanted certainty.

I wanted my son home.

Instead, God gave me faith, patience, and lessons I could only learn by walking through the process.

Fast forward to this weekend:

Karl will graduate from high school.

If you are wondering whether you can ever get back the things addiction took from you, my answer is yes.

But it won't happen overnight.

You will have to do the work.

You will have to stay clean when life hurts.

You will have to keep showing up when you want to quit.

You will have to trust when you cannot see the outcome.

Recovery gave me more than sobriety.

It gave me my life back.

It gave me my family back.

It gave me the opportunity to become the mother my children deserved.

Most importantly, it taught me that no matter how impossible things seem, faith and action together can change everything.

This brings my recovery story to a close.

The woman who started this journey is not the same woman writing these words today.

The story of my addiction and recovery may be ending, but the story of my life continues.

And I can't wait to share the next chapter with you.

Remember: You are never alone. ❤️

The Next Chapter - Present Day